An Innocent Sorrow
by Canopy4
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Sora never goes to the Digital World anymore?


This is a story about Sora and a possible reason why we never see her. I meant for this to be realistic but I don't think I achieved that goal.As always, sorry about typos and spelling errors. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.

"****"=Flashback

"-----"= Scene change

**An Innocent Sorrow**

"…The winner of this Girl's U-17 semifinal match is Sora Takenouchi!" booms the announcer. I turn to face my opponent.

"You did a great job," I say, extending my hand over the net.

"Thanks," she says, suppressing tears of failure and disappointment. I feel sorry for the girl, I really do. But as a competitor, I don't feel sorry for anybody. Each day now seems like a battle and nobody has ever felt sorry for me. I'm just returning the favor.

I walk out onto center court and acknowledge the spectators and supporters. A fairly large crowd is in attendance. I watch them politely applaud while an orange glow that always seems to accompany a setting sun is cast upon them. I love the sound of applause because it makes all of my struggles and sacrifices seem worthwhile. A small smile creeps upon my lips. Picking up my bag, I head over to my coach.

"Hey Sora, that was a good game you played. You were focused today. That's what I love to see. Just use this evening to rest. Go back to hotel and relax, maybe grab a bite to eat, all right?"

"' 'Kay Mr.Albers." 

I walk towards the bus station where I board the shuttle bus. Sitting a seat near the back, I prepare myself for the short journey to my grand hotel by putting on my headphones and sipping water. I can't help but notice the stares I'm getting. People are looking and smiling at me as if I'm a celebrity. A lady sitting across the aisle tosses a newspaper onto my seat. I glance at it and do a double take. There's a picture of me on the front page with the headline "Slamming Sora" above it. Oh my gosh. I want to read the article badly but not in front of all these people who are just waiting for my reaction. Instead I neatly fold the paper, place it into my bad, thank the lady and stare out of my window. I'm just not in the mood for a conversation. Instead, I divert my mind by focusing on the landscape. 

Nagasaki is such a beautiful city. Mimi would love it. Just look at all the great stores they have here. They're so glamorous. I love the buildings. We must be in a wealthy neighborhood though, because everything looks so glamorous and expensive. Like that hotel, Nagasaki Grand Palace. Oh wait. That's the hotel where I'm staying. Oops. 

I hop out of my seat and walk down the aisle as gracefully as I can with an enormous, bulging athletic bag dangling by my side. I'm sure I look like a lunatic. Struggling through the revolving doors, I eventually make my way to the receptionist desk. The person behind the desk looks up and recognizes me. 

"Hello Miss Takenouchi. There are several messages for you. Would you like them now or shall I send them up with your snack?" asks the petite woman in a red outfit.

"Just send them up my room please." Taking a sharp left away from the counter, a decision faces me. I weigh my options carefully. Yes, I can take the elevator; however I just finished playing 2 1/2 hours of tennis. I can recall beads of sweat dripping down my face during the game I can only imagine how terrible the stench must be. I give the elevator a longing glance before walking up the stairs. 

Once in my room I lock the hotel door and flip off my shoes. I head directly for the bathroom and promptly fill up the bathtub. Pulling down my tennis skirt, I begin to critique my actions and myself. I played very sloppy today. I missed many opportunities. Fatigue hit me in the middle of the match; I would have to work on conditioning. Still, I had won. Sighing very loudly, I wriggle out of my shirt and pull off my underwear. 

"Do the ends ever justify the means?" I wonder aloud. Then I groan in dismay while sliding into the tub. I'd just asked one of the most probing questions our society has ever dealt with. I recall one of my teachers saying the answers to all questions lie in our souls and life experiences. My mind slowly drifts away and for once I let it.

****

"Sora, how can this be our last weekend before we go back to school tomorrow? pouts Taichi. 

"Jeez Taichi, I just don't know. I've experienced so much this summer. I mean we all have. It seems so overwhelming that sometimes I wonder if it all happened," I say.

"Wow you just read my mind. I sometimes have to pinch myself to make myself believe that I actually went to the Digital World and met Agumon."

"Well it happened. It sure feels strange thought, " I say. Staring at the starry, mystical night I mutter, "something else feels strange too."

Taichi gives me a quizzical look. "What else feels strange?"

I look around quickly. Takeru and Hikari are asleep in one the tents. Jyou and Koushirou are leaning against the other tent, talking and occasionally glancing over at Mimi who happens to be sitting very close to Yamato. Nobody is paying attention to me and Taichi sitting by the fire, roasting marshmallows.

"Taichi you know that tingly feeling you get when something great happens? When something good is about to occur?"

Taichi grins and puts a new marshmallow on his stick. "Yeah, I feel that way whenever it's my birthday or whenever I score a goal."

I'm slightly taken aback by what he just said, nevertheless I try to steer the conversation back into the direction I want.

"I know what you mean about that, but I also get it-

"Or when I'm on a breakaway. I love that feeling," interrupts Taichi. He continues to talk but I zone out. I start thinking about how much Taichi affects me. I don't really understand it but I feel so comfortable around him. I have this uncontrollable desire to tell Taichi that he me makes me feel special. So I do. I've never been one of those girls who sits back and wait for things to happen.

"Taichi, I feel that way whenever I'm with you," I blurt out. 

Dead silence. That's what I get for being assertive. Taichi practically falls over. It looks like he stopped breathing. I wonder if I should check his pulse and decide against it. Mouth-to-mouth could be an option. I laugh to myself silently. 

Taichi opens his mouth and then closes it. He tries again to speak and says nothing. I realize that I'm the one who started this whole thing and I have to speak.

"I guess what that means is.. I like you," I say softly.

His blank look is transformed into one of delight. "Wow, really Sora? That's cool because I think that I like you."

We sit there in the night and smile at each other until Taichi asks, "Why?"

"Huh?"

"Well why do you like me?"

"I guess because...you're funny and really caring. I don't know why I really like you, I just do," I say.

"Really? That's why I like you too Sora." His eyes flash with a mischievous glint. "And I love your choice in head apparel."

Playfully pushing him, I can't help but say, "Taichi, my hat is about as demented as your hair."

"And just what is wrong with my hair?"

"Everything," I say, just as Taichi says "Nothing." We both start to giggle. It's a combination of being nervous, excited, and happy.

After our giggles I look at Taichi and smile. 

"Sora," she says.

"What?"

He leans towards me. I lean into him and our lips touch. It's my first kiss and I start to glow with happiness and embarrassment.

"Here." Taichi hands his marshmallow to me. "It's warm and sweet, but not as much as you are." 

Who doesn't love a man of reason?

*****

I quickly put on my pajamas, robe, and slippers. Just then, somebody knocks on my door. I answer it and several letters are thrust in my hand. I look over the letter. Mom. Hikari. Wallace. Mimi. I head into my bedroom and sit on a chair. Before opening the letters, I pull out the paper and start to read the article about me. 

_Watch out Martina! Sora Takenouchi is the newest sensation_

_on the tennis court. Originally a star soccer player in Odaiba, _

_this girl has proven that she's good a more than one sport. This_

_energetic and positive youth has as much brainpower as the_

_power in her serve. We recently had a chance to catch up with_

_her coach after Sora won the Juniors Slam Tennis Cup..._

I can barely read the first paragraph before I burst out into laughter. These people are a joke. What is this? Slamming Sora? I can think of more appropriate titles. Stupid Sora, Sadist Sora, Second bast Sora. I think that's my favorite. Second best Sora…

****

I hesitate outside the classroom. It's the beginning of second semester and my classes are more difficult. Luckily, I'm taking Philosophy. This by far is my most interesting class-and most social. Yamato, Mimi, and Taichi are enrolled in this class as well. 

Taking a deep breath, I slide into the classroom.

"Hey Sora, how are your classes?" inquires Taichi

"Pretty good. I understand everything in them so far. Including English. I don't know why they talk so fast. Right now, we're learning about commands and contractions," I say, sliding into the empty seat next to him.

"Sounds exciting," he says dryly. Before I can respond the teacher, Miss Tendo, calls for attention.

Our chairs are arranged in a circle formation so "ideas can flow freely". This will be our seat assignment for the year.

Philosophy quickly becomes my favorite class. It's a break from all the pressure I have from my other classes and myself. My mom needs more help at the shop so now I work there two hours after school. And then there are grades. I need to work hard, more than ever to get into a good high school. But I'm sure my hard work will be justified in the end. There are rumors that I might graduate with highest honor. Lately it seems that all I do is study so I like going to Philosophy because of its laid back atmosphere. 

One Friday in February, Miss Tendo snaps her book shut. 

"Since we're finished with our lesson for today, I want to know what topics interest you. This will be the basis of your short-term assessment projects. Yes Mr. Ishida?"

Yamato stops waving his hand in the air and stands up. "I am interested in the topic of love. I think everybody is interested in this and at such a tender age I believe it's in our best interest to discuss it."He and Mimi exchange secret smiles.

A sigh rises from the other oblivious girls in the class.

Miss Tendo thoughtfully answers, "I like this idea. It sounds promising. Now the due date shall be.."

"Miss Tendo? I apologize for interrupting but perhaps this assignment can be due next Friday," suggests Mimi. 

"Very well, since you ask so nicely." agrees Miss Tendo. Yamato gives Taichi a look full of mischief. Mimi delivers a similar one in my direction.

"God Dammit you bastard," grumbles Taichi.

"What was that Mr. Kamiya?" questions Miss Tendo

"I said...uh To describe it may be hard. Yes, that's what I said. By that I mean love is..is...interesting," he stammers. Yamato stifles a laugh.

I sit and ponder this assignment. It would be the perfect time to tell Taichi that I still like him. Deciding how to express this without making it obvious to everybody will be a challenge. Picking up my planner, I open up my planner to write down the assignment. But the day puts fear in my heart and weakens my confidence. Next Friday is February 14. Valentine's Day.

---------

I diligently work on my love poem for Philosophy throughout the week, whenever I have spare time. It's a very nice poem if I do say so myself, very subtle so that it doesn't overwhelme anybody but it's very powerful. Everytime I pick up my pencil to work on it I think about Taichi and what he would say in his work. 

When Friday finally comes around, I feel my heart breaking through my ribcage with excitement. Valentines have a way of doing this to people. I try to look extra nice for school today by tying a red scarf around my neck. There's only so much one can do while wearing a uniform. Smiling to myself I pick up my Valentines and walk to school with a cloud of happiness around me. 

My morning classes are nothing but a blur of laughter, exchanging cards, and excitement. My classes past flutter by until I enter Philosophy. I whip out a mirror and check my reflection before I enter the class. I'm not really sure why, but I just want to be perfect when I enter this class. 

"Oh Sora, I love that scarf. It's very chic and modern; all the models are wearing them on the Paris runways! Plus it brings out the eyes!" exclaims Mimi.

I walk up to her and smile. "Do you really think so?"

"I know so. Now sit down and let me give you your Valentine." she hands me the card with a flush through her checks. One look at her and I know exactly what -or who- is making her so radiant.

"I think Yamato might actually ask me out today," she confirms. I pat her hand reassuringly.

"I'm sure he will." 

Miss Tendo then called the class to order and asks for volunteers to share their projects. A nervous giggle goes through the class.

"Nobody wants to present. Let's see...Mr. Ishida, why don't you go? After all, you did suggest the assignment," she grins

Yamato saunters up to the class and slowly smiles. He clears his throat. All the girls in the class lean forward in anticipation. 

"Uh, this is a little song I recorded about different types of love." He puts the cassette into tape player. Out comes Yamato's voice. Girls begin to argue over whom he wrote the song for. It's very good and I start to get carried away by his harmonious voice when I hear the refrain:

_"Infinity Mountain looms over us,_

_Everybody's worried and I look around_

_I can't find her anywhere, where can she be?_

_I don't want to see her hurt 'cause_

_I want to be with my princess for an eternity."_

These other girls need to give it up. The only person Yamato cares about is Mimi and he's felt that way for a long time.

When the song ends, three other children present their projects. Miss Tendo then announces there is time for one more presentation and calls on Taichi.

"I did my project about the love I have for my family and my cat, Meeko." he says. I can't believe this. How can he ignore me? How can he love his cat more than me? I'm a fool to think that he ever likes me. I sit there numb. 

When class ends, I slowly file out of the classroom and sluggishly walk to my locker, not focusing on anything.

"Hey," says a voice.

I look up and see Taichi leaning against my locker. I fake a smile and Taichi starts to laugh.

"I didn't give you your Valentine. I meant to share it in class today but," he lowers his eyes "I lost the nerve at the last minute."

Looking at him expectantly, I notice Taichi has nothing in his hands.

"I know you were mad about my Philosophy project, yeah Sora don't act like you didn't. C'mon I know how you think. Um, I just want to say that I still remember that night four years ago. The whole campfire thing campfire. I know you didn't forget about it." He takes my hand into his own. "I still feel that way even if it doesn't always seem like that. I want to be more than your friend. I want to be your boyfriend."

I've been waiting for this moment for three years and what do I do? The thing I've been yearning for. I kiss him. This time it's filled with expectation, excitement and surprise. Smiling, we walk out to the soccer field, hand in hand.

****

I wish the days of childhood innocence would last forever. But they never go on for very long. Once they leave a portion of our life is closed forever. I wrap my robe around me a little tighter and open Mimi's letter. It's a nice lengthy letter and I learn she's in Japan for a while. I hope I can find the time to see her. Some picture are enclosed that Mimi describes as, "totally wacky and out there."

Mimi wasn't joking when she wrote that some of the pictures were random. There's one us doing cartwheels. Another one is of Yamato sleeping; he looks so peaceful. Then the picture appears in the stack. Taichi and I are together, laughing. Our heads are touching and happiness fills our eyes. I remember taking the picture as well as the events that followed.

****

"Yamato!" I call.

The blonde stops walking down the hall and waits for me.

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell Taichi that I won't be at lunch today. Tell him that I'll make it up."

Yamato looks puzzled. "Uh, isn't today your special lunch or something?"

"It's supposed to be, but I have some work to do."

"I'll tell him Sora, but I don't know what his reaction will be."

I smile at him. "Thanks. Oh, and tell Taichi that I'm sorry about it too."

I walk away from him, still smiling. It's not because of Yamato that I still am it's because of my good news that I heard this morning. I'm the Odaiba High School representative at the National Japanese Youth Conference. I was chosen, according to my principal because of my "outstanding work ethic, positive attitude, and my excellent grades". I'm too excited to eat lunch anyway so I fill out the application form in the library instead. Besides, Taichi wouldn't care about it.

I come home after tennis practice, eager to tell somebody the good news I received in school and then remember my mom is at dinner with some friends. Despite the dreary rainy night, I am elated. I listen to the messages on the answering machine while taking off my shoes. Something is wrong--there are no calls for me. I frown. Taichi normally calls me on Fridays, just to chat. Taichi, Taichi... 

"Oh SHIT!" I scream. I almost forgot. Hastily putting on my shoes, I grab my keys and race out of my apartment. My feet are pounding on the slippery ground; I take no heed to the rain flowing around me. One question claws at me: What kind of person am I?

"Open up dammit, c'mon!" I finally push open the door and warm scent of flowers embrace me. These flowers have always been my port in the storm. Everytime I come through these doors, I can't help but smile and inhale deeply. 

I've grown to love working at this shop. Even though I don't get paid for all the time I put in after schools, I still enjoy becoming closer to my mother and learning more about nature. These skills come in handy at a time like this.

I pause, deciding which flowers I should use in my bouquet. Roses are too soft, carnations can be overwhelming. I need some masculine flowers. I pull out some yellow and orange daffodils and bright red glaydias. Colorful pussy willows and snapdragons are used to fill in the spaces. The peaceful irises catch my eyes. *Why not? * I clip a few and throw the sprigs into the mix. I stand back to admire my work. Cheerful is the only word to describe this presentation. The large effects the red, orange and yellow have in the dim room astounds me. Grabbing a novelty plush animal, I punch in the security code and sprint out the door with my 

---------

I ring the doorbell and wait a few minutes before the door. My watch reads 10:17. Pacing back and forth, I can't help but notice how beautiful the rain looks, rolling off rails and playing with the cement bricks. 

The door creeks open.

"Oh Sora! I'm so glad to see you. I'll go get Taichi."

"Thanks Mrs. Kamiya." She disappears and Taichi eventually materializes in front of me.

"Happy Birthday Taichi!" I call gaily.

He grins that lopsided grin which always makes my heart speed up. 

I thrust the bouquet into his hands.

"Here."

"Sora, hi! Thanks for coming over. Did you make this yourself?" 

I nod. He looks over the bouquet and smiles.

"You did a great job. The colors remind me of Agumon." he says, pulling me into his warm apartment. I start to laugh.

Hikari magically appears as she normally does whenever I am with her older brother. 

"Hey SorAHH!!! Look at that thing!" she cries, pointing at the flowers.

"Aren't they neat? Sora made it for me," boast Taichi.

She takes a closer look at the flowers. "It's very pretty, but it's kind of large...it's as big as your hair."

I start to snicker. "More like his ego."

Sitting down on the couch, I start to shiver. Taichi takes off his sweatshirt and hands it to me. 

"Here," he says, "you're freezing to death."

Pulling the warm material over my head, I begin to blush. Seeing Taichi without his shirt on is very stimulating. While I put on his shirt, Taichi responds by whacking me with a pillow. "Did you really think I would let that ego comment slide?

Taichi responds by whacking me with a pillow. I throw it back at him. Hard. Being the competitors we are, this naturally sparks a full-blown war. 

When the fight finally ends ten minutes later, the fight has moved from the living room to Taichi's bedroom. Taichi is sitting on my stomach and has my arms pinned above my head. I smile.

"I could get used to this position," I whisper coyly. Taichi responds by leaning down and kissing me gently on my throat and cheeks.

"I could really get used to this position," I tease.

Taichi straightens up. His brown eyes look deep into mine.

"I have to confess something. I thought you forgot that today was my birthday. I know we haven't been spending a lot of time together and when Yamato told me you were breaking our lunch date, I thought you didn't care or you didn't remember. I was trying to decide which one all evening. But you do care and you did remember. I am so sorry for doubting you. I really want to make it up to you for ever doubting you and to show how much I care. I want to show how much I love you."

I tear my eyes away from his to avoid what he is saying, but I cannot. Staring at Taichi's half-naked body, it is only then do I absorb the meaning of his words and our relationship. He wants to make love with me. Taichi is the only person who I would ever want to penetrate me for the first time. But I can't. He thinks it's his fault that we haven't been spending time together when it is mine. I always have the practice or the project that needs to be done. Taichi just sits there and patiently waits for me. I haven't loved him lately. I couldn't even remember his birthday. What would happen if I told him this? Honestly, I don't want to know what it feels like to admit a horrible person I am. I am a terrible person. Taichi's eyes are filled with remorse and sorrow. And I caused all of it. A chill runs up my back.

"Am I hurting you?" ask Taichi. He climbs off his perch. Taking one of my hands in his, Taichi runs his other hand around my stomach.

He's so expectant. Taichi put his soul out and all his emotions. Now I have to fling them back in his face. I start to cry.

"I'm so sorry Taichi. I'm so sorry," I whimper. I'm sorry that I'm a terrible, selfish girlfriend. I'm sorry that I have to hurt you.

"Shh. It's O.K. I understand." Taichi draws me to him and wraps his arms around my waist. I begin to sob on his shoulder. 

Taichi thinks I sorry because I don't want to have relations with him. But I do! I do want to do that with him. I want to do everything with him. But I can't and for this I am truly sorry.

Lightning strikes and illuminates our profiles. Taichi still has a soft expression on his face. Taichi is so naive, so young. I hurt him. I wounded innocence. What kind of person does that make me? Upon realizing this, I begin to cry even harder. Eventually, sleep prevails and we both fall asleep.

--------------

Taichi and I still went out after that night but things got harder. I started to pull away from him. Taichi made futile attempts to reach me but so these invitations became rare. I saw our relationship deteriorate. I don't want to get hurt by my best friend. I want out.

I wait until next week to tell Taichi about my decision. The two of us are walking to the park after school. It's an afternoon after school that should be like any other day. But it's not.

" Taichi. These past two years have been really fun but¼ uh¼ there's too much pressure from other people. So I think we need some time apart." It's a lame excuse and neither one of us is buying it.

He unbuttons his green jacket. "I'm glad we're being so honest," he mutters

"I still love you. I will always love you Sora, I've always felt this way." He pauses and looks away. "But you've changed and it's getting harder to be around you."

"Thanks for the compliment."

He snickers. "You're welcome. And if you can't see the changes they you've got to be blind also."

"Oh really? Then please enlighten me O Great One" I snap. I can't believe the way he's acting about this. It's almost as if everything is my fault and that he is absolutely perfect. A fight is brewing and I can feel it. But I am raw emotion that wants to fight.

"I'm sorry that I care about my grades and I'm sorry if I want to go to college. I didn't know I need your permission to do these things," I start.

"And I'm sorry that you care more about these things than you care about other people," he finishes softly.

"Sora, what happened to the us? Mainly, what happened to you? I've known you all my life and I've shared so much with you," he cups my chin with his hands. The anger starts to seep out of me as quickly as it came.

"But I'm glad you're doing this. No, I'm not mad at you and I know I've been a jerk. I'm mad that you beat me to this. I was planning on breaking up next week. I was tired of you not prioritizing and not being there when others need you. But I think this is better this way because you need to be alone and you need to take control of your life."

I give Taichi a surprised look. I didn't know he was getting sick of me.

Taking my hand into his, Taichi continues. "I admit I was really hurt by some of the things you did to me. You were never there when I needed comfort. You were never there when I needed love. Instead, you surround yourself with trivial activities like tennis and school. So, just remember that I will always be your best friend. Just relax, take some time to find you, the real you Sora and when do just come to me. I'll be waiting with open arms. I promise Sora. We can pick up where we left off." 

Giving me a quick kiss on the forehead and a tight hug, he leaves me. 

I sit there in the green grass feeling isolated. Taichi's right. The only person who didn't know this is myself. No, that's not true. I knew about it; I just wouldn't admit to myself. Nobody is around and the tears pour out of my eyes. I cry so hard that I almost choke on my sobs. Night eventually engulfs my sorrows and me. 

****

I sit there, thinking about this. Even after sixth months I still can't believe what had happened. I don't talk to Taichi much anymore; in fact I don't talk to the digidestined much anymore. I could blame it on my hectic schedule but that's not the truth. It's because I still haven't found myself. I can't go back to Taichi and the Digital World until I do. Taichi made a promise to me and I want to honor it. But now with my tennis it could be awhile until I get in touch with myself again. 

A silent stream tears down my face. I pull my knees up to my chest and pull my robe around me a little tighter. The cold harsh night is the backdrop to my pain and regrets. 


End file.
